So from the last book I just read, I've read just about 7,500 pages. I haven't really worked out in the past 2 weeks and that's perfectly fine with me. I'm missing my boyfriend so much!!! I might be seeing him and his family in September for labor day weekend. I can't wait to be back home. I'm kinda forgetting what my room looks like. =(

Gosh! There's just so much going on right now!!!

Well everybody, summer's coming to an end. I leave to go back home in a little over 10 days. I'm excited but at the same time kinda sad, and I'm not quite sure why. I miss my mom so bad and I want my own bed. My own house, kitchen, bedroom, dogs, city, everything. My chest tightens up when I think of home. I feel so far away and it seems like I'm not going back. But I will. I want to go to church with my friends. Make dinner before Mom gets home and have fun with my friends. I feel isolated from my own world. To be honest, I don't think I can stay here for another week. I love my dad and all, but sometimes it's too much. I once lived with my dad, but back then, I went on adventures with my brother and had school work to do. My dad and I grew apart. He's not the nurturing parent. The one that knows how to comfort me when I'm sick, or gives me advise when I need it the most, or even understands anything of the stuff I do or who I am. I just miss my mom. I want to go home. This feels like it's not a vacation anymore, if it even was. I love my sisters, and Monique too. I just want to be home. I want to laugh with my mom and get yelled at for not cleaning my room. I need to feel not empty... can anyone understand that?

Fire of Love

A fire that is carefully stoked and tended will not burn out.

...It will blaze so brightly that its warmth lingers in
your heart.

It will beckon your tired soul and embrace you in its
radiance.

The familiar smell of its smoke can bring a wistful
smile,

and the occasional blast of fireworks can take your
breath away.

Its sizzle can enthrall you; its flickering flames
entrance you.

The glowing embers provide comforting heat,

and the knowledge that a subtle movement or gentle
breeze

can rekindle a bonfire.

My love, the spark that ignited the day we met

remains an eternal flame.

~ Anonymous

Ummm.... Something?

went to the resort in disney world and have lots of fun! I'll have to put the pics on later, but it was really fun. Relaxing, lots of walking, and not much buying lol but it was good quality time that Ian and I got with our dad. I stayed up late and woke up early. Ate great food, and took a million pics! I don't really know what else to say. I bought my mom a post card and a crab magnet. SShh. Don't tell her. Dad got me a huge mickey mouse shirt and it just about goes to my knees. I got 19 comments of my hair, cause it was purple. And I wore a happy birthday pin. So I got 8 'Happy Birthdays' or something along the line. A few of them were by some really.... wait I shouldn't say that. lol Never mind. =] Well, all in all, I had fun and stood out like a sore thumb if I don't say so myself. =]

My Goal For The Summer

I kinda wanna look like her in some sort of way before THIS summer ends.

This Is What You Are To Me

You're the thought that starts each morning
the conclusion to my day.
You are all in I do
and everything I say.
You're the smile on my face
the twinkle in my eye.
The warmth inside my heart
and the fullness in my life.
You're the hand laced im mine,
and the coat upon my back.
My friend, my love
my shoulder to lean on.
You're my silly, mature, caring
thoughtful, bright and honest guy.
The one who holds me tightly
when I need to cry.
You're the dimple to my cheek
the ever constant tingle in my soul
The voice that makes me weak
the hapiness of my life.
You are all I've ever wanted.
You are all I need
You are all I've dreamed of
You are all this to me

Worked Out!!!

so today, my father had me working my butt at the park. i did biceps, triceps, shoulders, and abs. plus about 2 miles of running. then he made us walk back to our house, 1.5 miles away. so it was a pretty good workout. :) i secretly had a little fun.

SUMMER!!!!!

it's been about 3 weeks or so since i got out of school and it's officially been my first week in florida. i'm having a great time and love the hot weather. last saturday we had becca's graduation party. Totally fun!!! we ate lots of food and drinks togo around twice and then some. most everyone swam for the most part though. later on that night when most of the adult guests had got, we went to the neighborhood park and played a huge game of hide and go seek. but it was my complicated than that. It was the best fun that night :) we were all sweaty and gross. so when all 23 of us teens plus one adult (my dad) got home most of us jumped into the pool and swam for hours. the water got cold so we all got out and either watched a movie or just hung out and talked. Justin (one of becca's friends) was teaching me how to play poker when austin called me back. we talked for a while and i wanted to cry cause he's going through some stuff right now. but other than that, austin's rockin' the world. he's working more hours, plus going to summer school so he can move to colorado so we can be together for my senior year in high school and on. anyway, the party was great and there were 17 teenagers sleeping all over the house. yesterday i dyed my hair purple and blonde but i just look like peanut butter & jelly. that's my new nick name :) i've been working out with my dad, or at least trying to. :)

everything's going well and my mom and i talk regularly. well, i gotta go. it's eatin' time! bye!

this is what i'll be doing in 9 days

One Week Till Summer

oh my gosh! i'm so excited! i have finals this next week and then i'm out on friday! i cant believe that it's gone by so fast! it feels like its still march. this summer will be officially my one year anniversery having this blog. :) i cant wait to go to florida to see my dad for 2 months!!!! i get to go see Austin the first monday of summer :) i'm only there for a day, but at least i get to see him :) i havent seen him since january 19th. this summer i'm dying my hair blonde andn putting blue, purple and hot pink high lights in it :) i'm running a lot thius summer with my dad and training for being on the swim team next year. im not excited for it, but it'll help me get in shape. :) well i'm going to go babysit for my moms friend cause its her night to have her bday party. its going to be a long night.

Happiness makes life brighter

What It Be

Prom was last Saturday. I went. It was fly. I had amazing fun, and danced like crazy. But now i'm paying for it. lol My calves hurt painfully, and Joy stepped on my foot with her heel. So now i have a huge bruise on my the top of my foot. I got lots of stuff at after prom too! it was totally fun. and tomorrow i dont have school! woohoo! im sleeping in. then hangin' with my older friend Rain. :)

So Make A Mistake :)

Hey it's Thursday!!!

Meaning Prom's Saturday. This Saturday. And I'm going! yay!!!! i'm so freakin happy! I'm just going with my friends too. :) I can't wait. Sad part is, Joy lost my ticket, so she has to buy another one for me. I'm barrowing one of Joys' dresses, and I dont have any money to buy anything extra. So I'm wingin it. LOL
Anyway, my grades are getting back up. My lowest grade is a 70. something and PC apps II. But that'll go up once Ms. Smith puts the test grades in. :) I'm so happy!

Who's crazy enough not to love this face?? It's gorgeous!!! LOL yes i'm weird. dont judge me. :)

Cause you're the only one that can make me happy :)

Words That Come To Mind When I Think of You

Monday....

Alrighty! so today wasn't so bad... for a Monday. Last night I decided to tell Austin that I still love him and that I want to be with him. We're dating again (: He's happy, I'm happy, our friends our happy for us. I also might be going to see Austin in a little over 3 weeks for his birthday. He's turning 16! And all he wants to do is see me. He's a total sweetheart. That's why I love him so much. I think he could be it. THE one. I mean, we talk about baby names, houses, our future family. scenes we can see playing around in our heads about our futures. He's makes everything better just by saying that he misses me. How did I get something good out of a terrible experience?

Love Me Forever by Tonya

Three little words
That seem so simple

Love me forever
Seems easy enough to do

Love me forever
Thats all im asking from you

Love me forever
Never saying we're through

Love me forever
And let me love you

This just about says it all. :)

No Matter What...

Please don't ever let me go.
I've found my home,
The place where I want to be.
I've looked for you for fifteen years.
Please say i can always stay here.

I may want to run and hide sometimes,
But I can't do either one.
For I have found my special place with you.
Even though we have both been hurt,
We still have found love together.
Please don't ever let me go.
Promise me?

My Kitty

This is my kitty. she's pretty, but don't be tricked. She's as feisty as a bear! And I have scars to prove it. :) I love her so so so much! Her name's Lilly. We don't know how out she is, but that's okay. She's just cute.... kinda. lol Oh, and she likes grass. And my little dog Booh likes to chase her around the house. So yeah... This is my kitty.

My Little Ninja

YAY! i finally realized that I have my own ninja! Although his hair is really poofy. :) ha! and the funny thing is, he's my little brother! Ain't that the cutest thing you ever did see??? Oh and by the way, he's 11 soon to be 12. not like 16 or anything. And no girls, this ninja is not available. :)

Busy Tuesdays Are The Worst

Well today, seemed really busy at least. I had karate today. Which was good for me. I dont know..... It just seems like more and more is added to my day. I guess i'm in one of those teenager moods. It doesn't help me at all in life. Jeez! It seems like life keeps getting worse. I know I already said that, but c'mon! Can't I get a break yet??

Ummm....

So yeah, this is a car. It's not mine.. but I like it. It's kinda pretty. But I don't want it. it's not my dream car. I just think it's pretty. And it's a Mustang :)

Emo's Can Love Too

Oh and she's in converse. :)

Penguins!!!!!

You On My Mind By Austin

my heart aches within from missing you
my lips long for the feel of kissing you
right now all i need is to gently touch you skin
to look into you eyes and see within
just one warm embrace
Just to look upon your face
Just one little touch,
From the one I love so much,
if i could gaze upon your smile
for just a little while
to know that you miss me too,
as I'm thinking of you,
to hear the sound of you breathe
knowing you'll never leave
to see you walk up to me
then embrace you tenderly
to just be with the one who's sent my heart reeling
and brought about the down pour of emotion and feeling
i sit here alone in my room tonight
and pray that somehow this all turns out right
i've never been one to do more talking than giving
im not well off but work hard for a living
i've told you many thoughts that weren't barrowed or bought
and in lifetime, who would have thought
that i have found someone who was just meant for me
i cant explain the magic or why it should be
but there is one thing i know for certain,
that this just ain't over till one of us draws the final curtain
for i've seen an angel and i want you to know,
if it's my choice to make, i'll never let you go
don't know what life holds, maybe there's no reason or rhyme,
to think that you may be mine in a matter of time,
and though i cannot touch you and we are now apart,
my love, you do dwell, so deep within my heart.


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Just Beyond The Sunset

Just beyond the sunset
Someone waits for me
Just beyond the sunset
Lies my destiny
Where the purple mountains
Lie deep in tranquility
There i'll find the treasure
Of love eternally

Just beyond the sunset
Waits someone so fair
Just beyond the sunset
All alone they wait there
With pure love
And a waiting heart
In the light of
Never wanting to be apart

Just beyond the sunset
Lies a home for me
Where the world is peaceful
Like a paradise should be
Just beyond the sunset
Someday is where you'll find me

Love?

Feels Like I Got Hit By A Car

So last night, I'm in bed and I'm staring at my teddy bear that Austin gave me. I realize, that I'm in a full haze. I miss him so much that I can't tell which way is up. I cried frover last night. I couldn't stop. It's like, reality hit me. And it hit me hard. I'm in love with him. And nothing seems right wihtout him around. It feels like being the last person on earth. I feel empty. I'm hollow without him. My heart doesn't feel like it's there anymore. Last night is crumbled into tiny pieces. Then it cought on fire and burned in flames of hopelessness and misery. I can't think right anymore. I'm lost.

You Are Forever In My Heart, By Jeff Weiner

My heart is open and my arms are too
Waiting to share my love with you
Making you happy in any way I can
Smiles and hugs are in my plan

Meltiing me with your glowing smile
Calming with that gentle style
There is no place I'd rather be
Thab in your heart for eternity

Hand in hand is the dream i hold
Hoping you share after these words are told
Life with you will be a fairytale
Where beautiful love will never fail

I chose to keep these feelings dear
My message should now be clear
I'll cherish you from this day on
Until the day this world is gone

Forever you are in my heart
Oh, and I left out one part
I love you.

Blue

Love without you Is like this rose Blue and cold Life without you Is like this rose Lonely and dying Being without you Is like life without Love... It feels like Being alone in a big World full of misery.

It's A Wednesday

Alrighty! So today wasnt so good I guess is what you could say. My mom got mad at me, so she put me on house arrest until she got home. but really, she just didn't want me to go anywhere. So I was with Ian and Bryant all day. I got to shop though! It was totally fun. I got a new shirt, a new book (that I've already read), new rings, new earings, and some other stuff. I didn't get to go to youth group, and i feel like I totally blew off Joy. I will probably get to talk to her tomorrow or something... I hope. Well other than all this negative stuff, I got to go see that new movie How To Train A Dragon. In 3D too! Ah it was so cool! today was a good quality day to spend with my family. I needed it. Well now i dont know what I'm going to do. Guess I have to go figure that out now. Talk to ya'll later! =)

A Possitive Change

So Yesturday I talked to Austin like all day. It was a good thing. We were open to each other and comfortable with the fact that we're just friends. I glad that we can talk like that and have to say something I dont want to or feel preasured into saying. When I talk to Austin, I get warm inside. My heart doesn't hurt, and I dont feel empty. Would it be possible? That for the first time in my life I found something pure, and that I could keep it forever? I know that I would never be able to let it go. That's for sure. Can it be? I just, I have all of these questions running through my head and want to get the answers, but that might interfer with with what path my life is heading. So I guess time will tell.

My Playlist

Love

Crazy Week

Alright, so Sunday I decided to break up with Jr. for reason's I'm not posting.... lol but it was a total bummer. But I was at church so I stopped thinking about it. I got to help with the babies in the nursery and I fell totally in love with them all!!! I love babies. So Monday at school I broke up with Jr., had a test and rough day.... Tuesday was better I guess. I spent the night at Joy's and helped her work on the youth retreat t-shirts. And of course Noelle was there. =) The power went out around 11pm. It was kinda fun. So then we wnet to the grocery store and got candy, ice cream, chips, soda, and fire wood so we could get the fire at Joy's house going again. Power came back on for about 7 minutes after midnight, then permanently came back on at 1am. we stayed up till 2am talking about toys we used to play with, the presidents, vampires, then moved on to tv shows. but it all mushed into one. Then in the morning we finished the t-shirts and ate breakfast and played Phase 10 and Uno. Lots of fun. Had youth group at 6:40. Got home around 8:45, fought with my mom about really nothing. then went to bed. Today I got up at 9:30 and made waffles for myself (since I'm the only one here) and got started on laundry and packing for my trip to Buena Vista!! woohoo! I'm so excited. We leave tomorrow at 1pm. But before that Joy, Me, Noelle, and some other people are going to Cheba Hut in down town Fort Collins. And I'm spending the night at Joy's again. Blog ya later guys! lol

Day Before St. Pattie's Day!!!!

Alrighty people!!!! so tomorrow is green day and guess what? instead of having some kind of plans, i get to babysit my mom's friend's little girls. it wont be so bad, but still. my mom gets to go drink green beer, while i'm home doing nothing. LOL well, i think my BF is coming over for a while so we can hang out. =) oh! and tomorrow i'm wearing a green shirt, white tank-top, my fav jeans, blue converse, silver jewlery, and something else.... i can't remember. =) but anyway, everything's going good.... or better. i have a test on thursday, test on monday, last CSAP test tomorrow(yay!), quiz tomorrow after school, presentation after school, then thats it i think.... so really, my weeks have been packed!!!! my trip to buena vista is next friday, spring break starts next wednesday, and i go back to school the 4th!!!! yay! long break! well, i'm gonna go do other amazing things now. see ya!

Plans For Spring Break

Hey! Okay so my plans for spring break aren't much, but it's something.... so the first day of spring break is next wednesday. i'm planning on sleeping in for a while then hang out with Jr. Then on the 26th i leave for Buena Vista with my youth group and i come back the 28th. then after that it's just hanging out in the sun with my friends and boyfriend. =)

I'm Back!!!!

Hey ya'll! It's been almost a whole year since I put a blog on this page and so much has happened!!!!! so when i moved to South Dakota i was there for about 5 months. i was there only 2 months and i got a boyfriend. first one of high school. =) things got worse between the family, so 3 months later my mom, little bro, and i drove back to Colorado. i started high school again 1 week after i got back..... so then 1 month into school, i'm in chemistry class and there's this guy who kinda sits in front of me. we've been talking for a while and stuff. and that day after school we went to Loodles, then hung out at the park for a while. he met my mom and then she took us to taco bell. 9:45 pm we start walking back to my house. we get to the park and we stop. we look up at the stars for a bit then walk some more across the park. we stop again and we hug.... then he asks me a question..... 'do you want to date me?' and of course i said yes. =) so now i'm dating Jr., he's a sophmore, and having a blast being a teenager and doing all the fun stuff included.... maybe this time i'll keep you undated fully this time =)